Sugarcane

Jim closes his eyes and there are stars, a jubilee of pain and excitement lights the back of his eyelids. He can feel his jaw beginning to ache.\n \n<audio controls>\n\t<source src="happening.m4a" type="audio/mpeg">\n \tYour browser does not support this audio format.\n</audio>\n \n[[Breathing]]

The leaves that scattered from the old man on the path release from their tethers and rush up to meet the void, to render it full. The moon falls and the dawn spreads purple from the east. When the sun rises, morning blasts across the park and Jim feels himself blown away, spread into infinite hazel leaves. \nThe End \nGo Back to the [[Beginning]]

The beach house at Nye Beach had been a rental offered up in the local paper. The two had seen the listing by chance while talking at a coffee shop near the park with red brick paths, in the center of town. The couple had been having a savage argument about money, about how they never did anything but sit at home and never spend a cent on going anywhere relaxing, how they both thought the other was a penny pinching miser. During a lull in the fight, the two men looked down at the paper that had been left on the table by another patron and saw the listing for the rental. The fight ended then and there and they raced each other picking up their phones, attempting to dial the rental company’s number as fast as they could.\n\n[[Sudden Reaction]]

Jim becomes angry at the old man.\n \n<audio controls>\n\t<source src="dontdie.m4a" type="audio/mpeg">\n \tYour browser does not support this audio format.\n</audio>\n \n[[Flash of Pain]]

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As he forces himself to breath, he hears a delightful, loving, feminine laugh that he has not heard in years, not since he became bitter and old, drove everyone away, committed the sin of letting hate touch those that loved him. The laugh comes to him, begs him to open his eyes.\n \n[[Tuxedo]]

<img src="redbrickpath.png" style="width:300px; height:300px" />\n \n[[Beginning]]

Jim always burst out laughing when he thought of the evening his mother put a plastic eyeball in his father's glass of milk. Jim and his mother went through the whole meal unable to take their eyes off of the glass, waiting for his father to take a drink and spot the eye. When his father picked up the glass, they both held their breath, when he took a large gulp without looking in to the glass, they gasped, and when he choked on the plastic eye, it was Jim that dashed around the table to bang on his father's back until the eye burst out on to the table. When his father got a breath of air, he looked to see what had choked him. When he saw the eye, he was convinced, for a moment, that it was his own and that it had been knocked from his skull when Jim pounded on him. The shriek he let out was higher pitched than any Jim had ever heard a girl make in school. Jim and his mother laughed themselves to sleep that night. Jim's father went to the pub and did not tell any of his friends there what had happened.\n \n[[Eyelids]]

Jim's ex-wife would laugh when ever they made love and Jim was on top because of the rhythmic ticking sound his damaged hip would make. She called him her little clockwork lover.\n\n[[Each Second]]

Each second, each heart beat, launches another [[explosion]] of pain.\n \n[[Young Man]]

He watches people young and old, rich and poor, all indifferent, walk past him. It is lunch time and the park, which sits in the center of town, is a popular place for people to stroll during their break when the sun is up and the air is warm.\n \n[[Red Bricks]]

After what seems an eternity of the two looking into each other's [[eyes]], the old man on the path begins to fall, coming straight down onto his knees and explodes into a torrent of leaves which are blasted out, away, and across the entire park. The people still crash past at break neck speeds, blurs of activity unaware of Jim and the man that just scattered across everything.\n \n[[Fool]]

Breathing is becoming more challenging for Jim, and he [[wills himself to open his eyes]], to try and make eye contact with someone walking by. The explosions in his shoulder are slowing.\n \n<audio controls>\n\t<source src="slowing.m4a" type="audio/mpeg">\n \tYour browser does not support this audio format.\n</audio>\n \n[[Opens Eyes]]

A short while before their trip to the coast, the two men witnessed the young boy that had jerked away from Jim being splashed with a bottle of urine. Later, at work, they were informed that this had been happening more and more with the homeless people in the park. One of the men said that it was a vicious rumor and wasn't true. Secretly he developed a fear of being assaulted with waste when ever he was asked for change. He developed the habit of giving the panhandlers twenty dollars at a time, hoping that they would spread the word and tell their friends to leave him alone.\n \n[[Jumbled Words]]

Meanwhile, Jim collapses onto the bench as the pain blasts away in his shoulder and begins spreading to his chest. He turns to face the walking path in front of him, starts taking slow breaths, concentrating on trying to keep calm, will the agony to stop.\n \n<audio controls>\n\t<source src="one_mississippi.m4a" type="audio/mpeg">\t \t\n\tYour browser does not support this audio format.\n</audio>\n \n[[Jittery]]

Jim opens his eyes. The old man on the path looks as though he is turning brown and crumbling. His eyes are wet with tears. Jim tries to yell at the man.\n \n<audio controls>\n\t<source src="damnit.m4a" type="audio/mpeg">\n \tYour browser does not support this audio format.\n</audio>\n \nbut his lungs, throat, and mouth are no longer obeying him.\n \n[[Eternity]]

Only two words find their way to his lips.\n \n<audio controls>\n\t<source src="oh_shit.m4a" type="audio/mpeg">\n \tYour browser does not support this audio format.\n</audio>\n \n[[The Women]]

Jim's son, when he was about twelve, had saved up a hundred dollars by mowing lawns and performing other odd jobs around the neighborhood. Jim had told him to hold on to the money and to make sure no one knew he had it. One night, while Jim's son was cleaning the gutters of a neighbor's house, he heard a man on the street talking about his father. The man said that Jim was an evil old bastard that wouldn't cross the street to help a man that was on fire. Jim's son got angry about the way the man was talking about his father and the next day he went to city hall and gave the secretary for parks and recreation the hundred dollars and told her to put his father's name on a red brick in the park that was being built. From then on, everyone would know that Jim wasn't such a bad guy because he had helped pay for the park. That night, when Jim's son got home and told him what he had done, Jim beat him and broke his arm and collar bone while holding him down on the ground calling him a damn fool.\n \n[[Red Bricks]]

The last time Jim had to will himself to keep his eyes open, he had been in the delivery room while his second son was born. Things had gone horribly wrong, the umbilical cord was in the wrong place, and the doctor was frantic. Jim did not want to miss anything. He was convinced that if he looked away things would go badly. When the doctor turned to tell him that the child was dead, Jim was standing in the corner, eyes closed, [[trembling]].

The red bricks that make up the walkway have the [[names of donors]] that payed to pave the path. Jim always thought that the red brick against deep lush green grass looked like streams of blood rushing between the streets that bound the one block park together. They are the veins of the neighborhood. People walking along them surge by, unaware of Jim crumpling on the bench, praying that he will not die.\n \n[[Jubilee]]

The [[women]] walking five feet to his left, chatting about their dogs that occupy their time now that their children are out of the house, who never bother to call their poor mothers unless it is a holiday or money is tight; these women do not notice the color drain from Jim's face...\n \n[[Flop Sweat]]

He opens his eyes and sees the young man on the path is now middle aged and is wearing a dingy brown suit. He has become soft in the middle. His freckles are less intense, and there is a distinct air of [[loneliness]] to his posture.\n \n[[Sob]]

Passing By

Jim clutches his left arm<img src="leftarm.png" />. Tendrils of fire<img src="fire.jpg" /> and lightning<img src="lightning.jpg" /> arc from the tips of his fingers, past his elbow, into his bicep, and explode<img src="explosion.jpg" /> into his shoulder with each jagged beat of his heart.\n \n[[Two Words]]

Again, Jim closes his eyes, trying to catch his breath. He can feel a tightness in his chest that feels as though a hand has reached within him making him still, keeping him anchored against the tide of the moving world. Jim forces himself to take deliberate, deep breaths, to draw the day's warm air into him. To attempt to bring an end to this all.\n \n[[Breath]]

When Jim was a small boy, he accidentally put a red shirt in with his linens. When his mother presented him with his bright pink sheets and pillow covers, he knew that she meant for him to sleep on them. He slept with those pink linens until he grew and [[moved out]] of the house. His mother never stopped smiling when ever she would come in his room and dress his bed for him.

Jim only ever stepped foot in to a church one time in his entire life. It was for his [[son's wedding]].

<audio controls>\n\t<source src="fool.m4a" type="audio/mpeg">\n \tYour browser does not support this audio format.\n</audio>\n \nJim watches as the city and park blur around him, constant motion, never stopping, never looking at him. His face is damp with tears. His chest no longer rises and falls with breath. He feels himself becoming motionless, calm, the terror begins to melt away into inevitability.\n \n[[Angry Gods]]

The image of Jim's father's eyes flashes through his mind as he looks in to the old man's gaze. Jim had stayed home rather than going to see his father on his death bed. The last time he had seen his father had been a warm experience, he did not want to risk losing that warmth, that love, by visiting him again, giving his father the chance to be cruel to him.\n \n[[Eternity]]

When Jim's ex-wife left him, their son was still a boy. It took Jim several months after the break up to finally call to speak with his son. When his ex-wife picked up, she told him that their son did not wish to speak, that she was seeing another man, that Jim's son now called the new man daddy. Jim tried to hang up before his sobs could be heard over the phone.\n \n[[Open Eyes]]

When Jim was a young man, he had asked his father for money to go to college. His father told him to go ask his rich Uncle Sam. While Jim was in boot camp, an explosion erupted in the kitchen above the room he was cleaning. The roof came down and broke Jim's [[pelvis]]. When he was healed, he could no longer run well and was sent home. His father's last, snearing, words to him were, "I'm proud of you, my son, the war hero."

Jim opens his eyes, the world is moving at a dizzying pace. People appear to be sprinting past him on the path. The clouds scud by overhead driven by hurricane winds cast down by an [[angry god]]. The trees quiver and shake. Leaves fall to the ground with such ferocity that Jim half expects to feel and hear the impacts of their landing.\n \n[[Liquid Rush]]

The day Jim's first son was born, he watched a man die in the waiting room. The man had told the nurse that he was feeling short of breath and dizzy. The nurse told him to sit down and a doctor would be with him as soon as possible. The man dropped before made it half way to his seat. The experience shook Jim deeply and he went in to the delivery room, which was uncommon at the time, and stayed with his wife looking for comfort in holding her hand. He told all the nurses that he was there to hold her hand, make sure she stayed strong.\n \n[[A Boy]]

Jim, without thinking, grabs the arm of a young man walking by with his phone a foot from his nose, fingers gliding over the glossy screen. The boy pauses long enough to lift his light brown hair from in front of his eyes, sees Jim grasping his arm, scowls, and wrenches away not wanting to be hassled by [[another homeless man]] begging for change.\n \n[[Sudden Reaction]]

They do not understand the jumbled words bellowing out of him.\n \n<audio controls>\n\t<source src="jumbled_words.m4a" type="audio/mpeg">\n \tYour browser does not support this audio format.\n</audio>\n \nThe [[two men jump away]] from the bench<img src="bench.png" /> and Jim. They jog down the walkway, looking back to make sure they are not followed as they flee.\n \n[[Meanwhile]]

Jim closes his eyes again. Behind his eyelids, the world has gone white and the stars have become waltzing black sparks. He hears a melody that his mother used to sing to him as a child, a melody reserved for times when he was upset. He opens his eyes, sees the boy, tears are streaming down his face. A crimson has spread across the child's cheeks which make his freckles stand out like hazel flakes on [[soft pink linen]].\n \n[[Closed Eyes]]

Jim's son did not invite him to the wedding. Jim learned about it through the announcement in the local paper. When he arrived, the ceremony was half done. When it was finished, his son saw him while walking with his new wife back down the aisle standing at the back of the church. His son stormed up to him like he was going to strike him. They stood looking at each other for a long moment before Jim pulled an envelope full of money from his pocket and handed it to his son. Jim’s son flushed bright red, still not sure how to react to Jim being there uninvited. Eventually, Jim reached a hand out, touched his son on the shoulder, then turned and walked away. They never crossed paths again.\n \n[[Opens Eyes]]

Jim continues to concentrate on his breathing. The hurt in his arm is constant now, not tethered to the beat of his heart. His eyes have closed on their own, and through the swelling noise in his ears, he hears the cry of an infant, the angry screams of a man, the terrified [[wales of a woman]].\n \n[[Open Eyes]]

Jake Carlsen

Jim is jittery with panic.\n \n[[He Watches]]

his flop sweat that matts his faded red hair to his liver spotted forehead.\n \n[[Each Second]]

Through it all, there is a boy with red hair on the path. He stands perfectly still. None of the people flashing past touch him. [[He is looking at Jim]] and his face is full of curiosity. Jim, his voice failing him, cries in a hoarse rasp that only carries an arm's length beyond the seat of the bench.\n \n<audio controls>\n\t<source src="helpme.m4a" type="audio/mpeg">\n \tYour browser does not support this audio format.\n</audio>\n \n[[Eyelids]]

Mrs Lowry, the woman closest to Jim, spent thirty years working with his ex-wife. She never had the opportunity to meet him and used to tell her co-workers, other than Jim's ex-wife, that she suspected that he beat on her from time to time. On one occassion, Mrs. Lowry's late husband, [[Mr Lowry]], vowed that he would kill Jim if he ever managed to cross paths with him.

His eyes begin to close but Jim fights and opens them one more time. The man standing in front of him on the path is old now, nearly the same age as Jim. There is a mix of anger and grief in man's eyes. His freckles have become liver spots, the wedding ring is missing, he is wearing old, thread bare blue pants, nearly ruined deck shoes, and a tan shirt with a broad collar. He looks jittery, ready to collapse.\n \n[[Trembling Hand]]

Mr Lowry worked the last several years of his life working behind the counter of a home improvement store after his own contracting business was closed down due to the low prices offered by the very store that hired him. On the day that he died, he saw Jim buying a box of light bulbs and cussing out the clerk. Mr Lowry wished that he could go tell Jim what sort of man he was, but he could not afford to lose his health insurance due to his weak health.\n \n[[The Women]]

The clouds keep rushing across the sky, driven on by the hands of their angry gods. The leaves from the old man have filled the air and now hang motionless, suspended as if hung on small strings, yearning to land, not quite ready to let go and fall. The sun leaps across the sky and falls to the west, hiding behind the Pacific. The moon rushes up into the sky, and the stars, galaxies, and planets whirl around the heavens. The open spaces between call to Jim.\n \n[[Hazel Leaves]]

A large racking sob rumbles through Jim's body as he looks into the eyes of the man before him.\n \n<audio controls>\n\t<source src="letgo.m4a" type="audio/mpeg">\n \tYour browser does not support this audio format.\n</audio>\n \n[[Fight]]

<audio controls>\n\t<source src="eyesclosed.m4a" type="audio/mpeg">\n \tYour browser does not support this audio format.\n</audio>\n \n[[Crumbling]]

When he does, the boy standing on the path in front of him is older. He looks to be about twenty and is wearing a cheap tuxedo. It looks hand made and the young man standing on the path, not knowing any better, is very proud.\n \n<audio controls>\n\t<source src="smiling.m4a" type="audio/mpeg">\n \tYour browser does not support this audio format.\n</audio>\n \n[[Concentrate]]

Jim watches as the sun rises, then falls. The moon climbs, the stars swirl in the sky like comets tethered at the center, a grand circular dance full of galaxies, planets, and the vast emptiness in between, pivoting on the great anchor of the North Star. The moon falls in the sky. The dawn spreads purple in the east then bursts pale blue and vibrant.\n \n[[A Boy]]

A whooshing liquid rush is all that fills his ears.\n \n[[Jim Watches]]

Jim had a small dog when he was a child. It was a mutt with long, wiry, white hair. Its eyes were bright red, and it spent a great deal of the time sitting on the couch trembling. Any time that it was not sitting and trembling, it was barking its head off, protecting the family from every small sound that it could not account for. Jim’s mother had bought the dog before Jim was born and had named it Jim as well.\n \n[[Breathing]]

Jim moved out of the house the summer after he graduated from high school. He moved into the city, took a job as a desk clerk, and put himself through college. His mother stood on the porch and cried her eyes out as he walked to his friend's car that was giving him a ride to his new apartment. Before they pulled away, his mother ran to the car motioning to roll down the window. When Jim did, she [[burst out laughing]] and asked him if he had remembered to pack his special linens.

Jim's first experience of seeing another person truly [[lonely]] came after his mother left his father. His father never saw it coming, never realized that his harsh words, long work hours, and constant bitterness had been wearing on his wife for decades and that she could not take it any longer. Later that year, for the first time since Jim had moved away from home years before hand, his father called him sobbing on the phone. Jim hung up, pretended like there was a problem with the phone line and that he could not hear his father on the other end.

Another flash of pain, this time reaching deep into his chest, Jim's eyes slam shut. His jaw clamps together like a vice. He can hear his teeth creaking against each other, loosening in his gums. The sparks and stars behind his eyes are gone and there is nothing but blackness. Each breath that Jim pulls into himself feels heavy like earth and stone. The rushing waves of sound in his ears are replaced with a constant tone like hundreds of children singing in perfect harmony, rattling inside of his skull, echoing down his spine, filling all the empty spots that old age had created along the way.\n \n[[Eyes Closed]]

The first time Jim raised his hand to his wife, she cried as though he had killed her. The horrible sound of it drove him from the room and to the pub. On his way home, after drinking enough to make walking difficult, Jim cried as well. He sobbed and told himself that he was not a bad man, that she had pushed him to it, that he would not have done it if she had not pushed him. When he woke the next morning, her blackened eyes greeted him over the breakfast table. Jim started wondering if maybe he had had it all wrong.\n \n[[Concentrate]]

The young man had moved to the city from a small town on the other side of the state. At first, he had been terrified of the big city and had kept to himself. Eventually, he felt like he had begun to get the hang of his new home and started taking on more confidence. During one of his strolls down the street, the young man was looking at his phone and was grabbed by a homeless man trying to get his attention. When the boy looked up, the homeless man asked for some change. The young man, cocky, smirked at the homeless man, gave him a wink, and pushed past ignoring the request. When the young man had gotten a couple steps past, the homeless man called to him again. The young man turned to give the old man another wink before continuing on his way but instead was doused in urine the old man has been storing up in a large plastic bottle. “Teach you ta wink at me cocksucker!”\n\n[[Young Man]]

The old man standing on the path reaches a trembling hand to Jim, a look of fear in his eyes. Jim feels himself recoiling from the old man's hand which slowly stops reaching and moves up to grasp the fellow's left shoulder. The color in his skin is bleeding away and he looks as though he is slowly falling into himself.\n \n[[Angry]]

The boy's sudden reaction sends Jim lurching toward a bench occupied by a middle aged couple holding hands. The two men share a tender kiss and are about to tell each other how amazing the summer has been, how sad they are that it is ending here in the park in the middle of town instead of the [[beach house]] where they spent July cuddled up in adirondack chairs on the patio overlooking the Pacific and beautiful sunsets.\n \n[[Panicked Look]]

These two men do notice Jim's wan appearance, the beads of sweat pouring into the broad collar of his tan shirt, his right hand clutching his shoulder, the panicked look in his eyes.\n \n[[Jumbled Words]]